Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
