I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
