it was like his penis was on wheels.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
