I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
