I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
