He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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