i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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