Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
