We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
