i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ketchup is God's man juice
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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