True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
