Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
