I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
