some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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