I can tuck mytits in my pants
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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