singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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