After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
