I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's great music for shaving your balls
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
