pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
