Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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