Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
