i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Randomize