I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this beer tastes like vomit already
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
