well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
