apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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