But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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