I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize