Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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