Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
