My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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