you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize