She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
