So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
