oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
