i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
