That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
