You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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