I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
