remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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