Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to make out with him forever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
