it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can I color on your dick again?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
