There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
