I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
