beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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