...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
