Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
