I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
