clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
