dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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