Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
