guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
