Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
