if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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