its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
