Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
