if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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