Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
