dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
