Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
