so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
