I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're like the curious george of whores
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
