i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize