Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
