Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
