Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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