when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
