well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize