just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
