I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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