At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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