I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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