3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
