hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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