He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
