Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
