i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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