There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
