how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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