My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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