Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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