Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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