I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
