Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
