I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
