i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
