I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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